Today, my life went from being brilliant to a mess in the look of a txt?

I have been in psyciatric wards 3 times in the last 15 months. In my last admission, i met, what can only be described as the love of my life, we have been insepreable for over 3 months. She is finding xmas difficult because she is not with her kids and has decided that me and her are over. She said in teh text that she loves me but not enough to be in a relationship but it doesnt sound right to me. Thiss isnt me not accpeting its over, i know chelly enough to knwo when she is pushing someone awaya dn thats what she is doing. Thing is atm, i feel so low and sucicidal,, i just wnet to the doctors for my meds and told him how i felt and he gave me a months worth.....enough to kll me asap...i mena wtf is that about, i asked for home treatement..and then he asked if i was going to do something stupid..do you know how callous that is?.....my head is rushing and racing..im so low that teh girl with 3 colurs in her hair, the girl who took the storm clouds from my head and filled my soul with the sun...doesnt want me anymore...then i cant carry on.